Några jämförelser mellan några olika sätt att översätta en text på svenska till engelska. Exemplet är ur min andra roman Rubato och handlar om när de två protagonisterna möts i hemlighet för att lyssna på pianomusik av Franz Liszt.

Originalet

Inte långt ifrån gasklockorna fanns en kyrka bestående av en rotunda omgiven av låga byggnader i gult tegel och en mycket hög kyrksal i en vågad, modern arkitektur. Under hösten hade Johannes upptäckt att kyrkan den tjugoandra oktober, arrangerat en pianokonsert till åminnelse av Franz Liszts födelsedag.
Via mejl hade Klara och han bestämt sig för att ta risken att gå på konserten men ta sig dit enskilt. Konsertdagen skickade han ett sms till Erika strax innan han lämnade kontoret om att han ”hittat en konsert jag vill slinka in på”. Därmed omöjliggjorde det för henne att kunna följa med. Fult? Javisst, men han såg inga andra alternativ.
Johannes anlände först och när han kom in i rotundan, med sitt tak av färgade glasrutor och dess mönster upprepat av golvets gatstensliknande mosaik, kände han hur lustfyllt det var att bara befinna sig där. Rummets dimensioner var sannolikt väl avvägda för att skapa denna harmoni. Inte klaustrofobiskt trång. Inte heller ödsligt stor. Länge stod han och andäktigt betraktade den vackra lokalen. Kyrksalen var i anslutning till rotundan och vid dess ingång stod en medelålders man och delade ut programblad. Efter att ha letat upp en plats långt fram till vänster, konstaterade han att samtliga verk som skulle framföras var av just Liszt. Han vek ihop programbladet och la det på psalmbokshyllan framför sig när han såg Klara ute vid gången.
– Ursäkta, är platsen bredvid dig ledig?
– Javisst, jag väntar inte på någon, sa han och fortsatte mini-föreställningen. *
Han flyttade sig en bit in och hon satte sig ner. Som av en tillfällighet vidrörde hon hans hand men med blicken ner i det programblad även hon försett sig med. Den futuristiska salen var knappt halvfull när pianisten gjorde entré klädd i en turkosfärgad lång klänning. Efter att ha satt sig ner vilade hon händerna i knät en stund innan hon satte igång. När de första tonerna hördes, viskade Klara, men med blicken riktad rakt fram:
– Sucken …
Lika tyst och med blicken fäst på den turkosfärgade pianisten, viskade även han:
– Men vi har inte börjat med … preludiet än.
Sakta lyfte hon upp ett finger och höll det över sina läppar i ett visuellt “hysch”. Klara tycktes njuta av det hemlighetsfulla i mötet för då och då smekte hon hans hand, hela tiden med blicken riktad rakt fram. Ibland sneglade hon på honom med ett förstulet leende. Även för Johannes var det som om de intermittenta, taktila mötena mellan deras händer, intensifierade det sensuella. Stegrade lockelsen i uppdraget han fått.

ChatGPT direkt

Jag använde följande prompt: Translate this text to good english and tell me which sources you are using:

Not far from the gasometers stood a church, consisting of a rotunda surrounded by low yellow brick buildings and a very tall sanctuary designed in a bold, modern architecture. During the autumn, Johannes had discovered that on the 22nd of October, the church was organizing a piano concert in commemoration of Franz Liszt’s birthday. Via email, Klara and he had decided to take the risk of attending the concert but agreed to arrive separately.
On the day of the concert, he sent a text to Erika just before leaving the office, saying, ‘I found a concert I want to drop by.’ By doing so, he effectively prevented her from tagging along. Was it sneaky? Absolutely, but he saw no other option.
Johannes arrived first, and as he stepped into the rotunda with its ceiling of colored glass tiles, and the pattern mirrored on the cobblestone-like mosaic floor, he felt a sense of delight simply being there. The room’s dimensions were likely calculated to create this sense of harmony—not claustrophobically tight, nor overly spacious. For a while, he stood reverently admiring the beautiful space. The sanctuary adjoined the rotunda, and at its entrance, a middle-aged man was handing out programs. After finding a seat far forward on the left, Johannes noted that all the pieces to be performed were by Liszt.
He folded the program and placed it on the hymnbook shelf in front of him when he spotted Klara by the aisle.
‘Excuse me, is the seat next to you taken?’
‘No, I’m not expecting anyone,’ he said, continuing his little performance.
He moved over slightly, and she sat down. As if by accident, she brushed his hand, though her gaze remained fixed on the program she’d also picked up.
The futuristic hall was barely half full when the pianist made her entrance, dressed in a turquoise-colored gown. After sitting down, she rested her hands in her lap for a moment before beginning. As the first notes sounded, Klara whispered, still looking straight ahead:
‘The sigh…’
Just as softly, with his eyes on the turquoise-clad pianist, he whispered back:
‘But we haven’t even started… the prelude yet.’
Slowly, she raised a finger and held it over her lips in a silent ‘shh.’ Klara seemed to enjoy the secrecy of the meeting, occasionally caressing his hand, always with her eyes fixed straight ahead. Sometimes, she glanced at him with a fleeting smile. For Johannes, too, it was as if the intermittent, tactile moments between their hands intensified the sensuality. It heightened the allure of the mission he’d been given.

Med Google translate

Not far from the gas bells was a church consisting of a rotunda surrounded by low yellow brick buildings and a very tall church hall in a daring, modern architecture. During the autumn, Johannes had discovered that on the twenty-second of October, the church arranged a piano concert to commemorate Franz Liszt’s birthday.
Via e-mail, Klara and he had decided to take the risk of going to the concert but get there separately. On the day of the concert, he sent a text message to Erika shortly before leaving the office saying that he “found a concert I want to sneak in”. This made it impossible for her to follow along. Ugly? Sure, but he saw no other options.
Johannes arrived first, and as he entered the rotunda, with its ceiling of stained glass and its pattern echoed by the cobblestone-like mosaic of the floor, he felt how pleasurable it was just to be there. The dimensions of the room were probably well balanced to create this harmony. Not claustrophobically cramped. Not terribly big either. For a long time he stood devoutly gazing at the beautiful room. The church hall was adjacent to the rotunda and at its entrance stood a middle-aged man handing out program leaflets. After looking for a seat far to the left, he noted that all the works to be performed were by Liszt. He folded the program sheet and put it on the hymn book shelf in front of him when he saw Klara out by the aisle.
“Excuse me, is the seat next to you free?”
“Sure, I’m not waiting for anyone, he said and continued the mini-performance.”
He moved in a bit and she sat down. As if by chance, she touched his hand but with her eyes down on the program sheet she had also provided herself with. The futuristic hall was barely half full when the pianist made his entrance wearing a long turquoise dress. After sitting down, she rested her hands in her lap for a moment before getting down to business. When the first notes were heard, Klara whispered, but with her gaze directed straight ahead:
“Sigh …”
Just as quietly and with his eyes fixed on the turquoise pianist, he too whispered:
“But we haven’t started with the … prelude yet.”
Slowly, she raised a finger and held it over her lips in a visual “hush”. Klara seemed to enjoy the secretiveness of the meeting because every now and then she caressed his hand, all the while looking straight ahead. Sometimes she glanced at him with a furtive smile. Even for Johannes, the intermittent, tactile encounters between their hands seemed to intensify the sensuality. Increased the allure of the assignment he received.

Med Google translate och ChatGPT

Jag använde följande prompt: Make this text into good english

Not far from the gasworks stood a church, consisting of a rotunda surrounded by low, yellow brick buildings and a tall church hall built in a bold, modern architectural style. In the autumn, Johannes had discovered that on October 22, the church would be hosting a piano concert to commemorate Franz Liszt’s birthday.
Through email, Klara and he had agreed to take the risk of attending the concert, but decided to arrive separately. On the day of the concert, Johannes sent a text to Erika just before leaving the office, saying, ‘I found a concert I want to slip into.’ This made it impossible for her to join. Was it sneaky? Sure, but he didn’t see any other options.
Johannes arrived first, and as he entered the rotunda—with its stained glass ceiling and floor patterned like cobblestones in mosaic—he felt a sense of joy just from being in the space. The room’s dimensions seemed perfectly calculated to create harmony: not too cramped, not too vast. He stood for a while, gazing reverently at the beautiful surroundings. The church hall was adjacent to the rotunda, and at its entrance, a middle-aged man was handing out program leaflets. After finding a seat far to the left, Johannes noted that all the works to be performed were by Liszt. He folded the program and placed it on the hymnbook shelf in front of him when he noticed Klara standing by the aisle.
‘Excuse me, is this seat free?’
Of course, I’m not waiting for anyone,’ he replied, continuing his little act.
He shifted slightly, and she sat down. As if by chance, she brushed his hand, though her gaze remained fixed on the program she’d also picked up. The futuristic hall was barely half full when the pianist, wearing a long turquoise dress, made her entrance. After sitting down, she rested her hands in her lap for a moment before beginning to play. As the first notes resonated, Klara whispered, without looking at him:
‘The sigh…’
Just as quietly, and with his eyes on the turquoise-clad pianist, he whispered back:
‘But we haven’t even started… the prelude yet.’
Slowly, she raised a finger to her lips in a silent ‘shush.’ Klara seemed to revel in the secrecy of their meeting. Every now and then, she would stroke his hand, all the while staring straight ahead. Occasionally, she glanced at him with a secretive smile. For Johannes, too, the brief, tactile moments between their hands seemed to heighten the sensuality, amplifying the allure of the ‘mission’ he had been given.“

Med DeepL direkt

Amerikansk engelska.

Not far from the gas bells was a church consisting of a rotunda surrounded by low yellow-brick buildings and a very high church hall in a bold, modern architecture. In the fall, John had discovered that on October 22, the church had organized a piano concert to commemorate Franz Liszt’s birthday.
Via email, he and Klara had decided to take the risk of going to the concert, but to go alone. On the day of the concert, he sent a text message to Erika just before leaving the office saying that he had “found a concert I want to sneak into”. This made it impossible for her to go. Ugly? Sure, but he saw no other options.
John arrived first, and when he entered the rotunda, with its ceiling of colored glass panes and its pattern repeated by the pebble-like mosaic of the floor, he felt how pleasurable it was just to be there. The dimensions of the room were probably well balanced to create this harmony. Not claustrophobically cramped. Nor desolately large. For a long time he stood and contemplated the beautiful room. The church hall was adjacent to the rotunda and at its entrance stood a middle-aged man handing out program sheets. After finding a seat far to the left, he realized that all the works to be performed were by Liszt. He folded the program sheet and placed it on the hymnal shelf in front of him when he saw Klara out in the aisle.
“Excuse me, is the seat next to you free?”
“Sure, I’m not waiting for anyone, he said and continued the mini-performance.
He moved in a bit and she sat down. As if by chance, she touched his hand, but with her eyes on the program she had also provided herself with. The futuristic hall was barely half full when the pianist entered wearing a long turquoise dress. After sitting down, she rested her hands in her lap for a moment before starting. When the first notes were heard, Klara whispered, but looking straight ahead:
‘Sigh …”
Just as quietly and with his eyes fixed on the turquoise-colored pianist, he also whispered:
“But we haven’t started with … the prelude yet.”
Slowly, she lifted a finger and held it over her lips in a visual ‘hush’. Klara seemed to be enjoying the secrecy of the meeting because every now and then she caressed his hand, always looking straight ahead. Sometimes she glanced at him with a bemused smile. For John, too, it was as if the intermittent tactile encounters between their hands intensified the sensual. Heightened the allure of the assignment he had been given.

Slutsats

Jag tycker att direktöversättningen av ChatGPT var bäst och med en vokabulär jag inte skulle kunna komma på själv med mitt begränsade engelska ordförråd.

Jag använde den senaste versionen av ChatGPT, den som bara har begränsad tillgång till om man inte betalar:
Which version of chatgpt am i currently using?
– You are currently using GPT-4-turbo, the latest version of ChatGPT as of October 2024